Life punched me in the gut this week.
A few days ago, I learned from a former co-worker that a man I used to work with… a man about my age with a bright future… a man I didn’t keep in touch with when I left that company; but whose kind countenance crossed my mind from time to time… ended his life about four months ago.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read the email.
The surreal thing is that I may never have found out if *Sharon hadn’t run across my home email address in her contacts list. She wrote, “[*John] really thought a lot of you and would want you to know.”
I wept and thought, “What? He thought a lot of me? Why didn’t he think more of himself? What went so wrong in his life that he didn’t want to be here anymore?” I knew he had a past history of some depression but I never thought it was that bad. Maybe it wasn’t that bad until it was. Or maybe he just hid his pain really, really well.
It was shocking news that I am still trying to wrap my head around. So when I was griping about my job, or laughing at a funny TV show… John was suffering at the end of his rope? So when a lot of us were busy with our Easter plans, John was being buried? You mean, when my husband and I went to Ireland in May, and I relayed the time John told me that all he had for dinner some nights was a “pint of nutritious Guinness”… he was already gone?
I want a do-over. For him and for me… and for all of the people who miss him terribly and wish they would have known about the depths of his sorrow. I want to go back in time and tell him, “You may not realize it but a lot of people care about you, and more importantly, Jesus cares about you. You matter. You matter.”
If there is anyone in your life whom you’ve been waiting to say that to—don’t wait anymore.
If you are going through things that make you want to hurt yourself or end your life, please get help. You matter. You have always mattered to Jesus, and he is on your couch. I promise. Just get to know him.
My husband, Tim, is a songwriter and has recently released a song about getting back to the simplicity of how it was before we compiled all of our worries and let them consume us. I hope it speaks to your heart too….
If you’ve read my blog posts, or even the summary of what the blog is about, you are probably asking yourself when I’m going to talk about those “inspiring moments”. The last two stories I relayed weren’t exactly uplifting.
So here’s the deal. I am realizing that a lot of the time life hands us crap, and we lose sight of what’s really important. We lose sight of our purpose. We forget about the love of God and His only commands—really—to love Him with all of our might, and to love each other. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew 22:36-40&version=NIV
It’s that simple.
When we focus on that, we will see Him more and more in our lives… not because He wasn’t there before, but because we didn’t notice Him.
Now on to something that IS inspiring….
A couple of days before I found out about John, my husband and I attended church with some friends. We did not know they would show this video testimony featuring one of our friends, Mitch.
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| Mitch's Story |
Mitch talks about the loss of his friend (who had also suffered a lot of pain in his life); how music helps him to ‘see’ God; and how he will keep praising God through the good and bad times. I asked Mitch if I could share his story on my blog and he did not hesitate to have me do it.
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| Matt Redman- 10,000 Reasons video |
*Names changed to protect privacy.
